I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
