ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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