My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
