we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
bring money and cleavage
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
