i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
