If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
