remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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