the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
