The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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