Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
