I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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