I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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