Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
