Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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