if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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