Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
