i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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