You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
