I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
