When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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