You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
