I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
