Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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