I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
