Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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