I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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