i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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