No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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