sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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