we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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