she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
