Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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