Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
