Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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