Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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