i was born a porn star she said
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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