She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize