aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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