Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
