he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
