I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
