dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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