So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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