She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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