In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She is in my trunk
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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