i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
