...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
