Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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