And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
