the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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