the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
