batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
