you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
