I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
