If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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