My friends, they love my intelligence
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
