Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
