I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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