i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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