.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
