i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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