Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
