im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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