I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
