are you still at the devil's house?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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