I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
