i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
