apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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