i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
