I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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