I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
