first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
