It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
