I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
