just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
