If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Drunk is not a location!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
