So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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