Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
