I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
